I ignored. In fact, I just refused to look, at what should have been the absolute facts of the matter. This turned out to be one of my biggest slip. I wish I had the courage. The courage to say the truth. And the tact to say it nicely. But I’m afraid I don’t, I can’t.
I’m like the ostrich which puts its head into the sand. Not looking. Ignoring. Avoiding.
But that never does take away the danger, does it? Fortunately, the ostrich has an excuse. A good one. The excuse of not having a human brain, intelligence, emotions , a conscious. It is but a dumb animal. Sadly, I have no such excuse. Still, I keep behaving that way. Fully aware of my behavior. Yet repeating it, over and over again. It has become a habit, an instinct I find myself unable to shake. I keep making the same mistake, again and again.
I wish I was stronger. I wonder what I could have done differently. But I do remember how impossible I found that to be. I wish I was a different person. A better person. One,less likely to make these mistakes. But I understand, I would no longer be me. I knew this was going to happen. Someday. I was just hoping, “Not today!!!”, everyday…
Maybe, with time I’ll learn. Learn, not to make the same mistakes each time. Or perhaps I’ll just learn to weather this pain. I’ll try. At least, I can hope these mistakes stop affecting others. Hurting others.